I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
