Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
