is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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