you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
