u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
