i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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