dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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