dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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