dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
