Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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