Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
