Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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