You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
