Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
