maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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