i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
