I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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