It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
