someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
