I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.