Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO