I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me