While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit