New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.