Umm I'm too high to move.
You work out of a Hotel?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.