Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
