his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
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also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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