porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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