So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
