i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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