o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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