This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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