My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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