Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
