and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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