Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize