So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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