Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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