bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
