dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
