Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
