I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Can I color on your dick again?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
