I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
