Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
