Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
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No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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