Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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