How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
