It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
