oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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