i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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