And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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