Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
