When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Randomize
