tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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