Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
