I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
