My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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