The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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