Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
