Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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