Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
