I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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