Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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