Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
