Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
