Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
