so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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