Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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