Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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