so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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