Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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