Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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