I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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