Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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